Solutions to common problems, based on e-mails to Cecile, are discussed. Messages have been edited, e.g. to maintain anonymity. The answers contain Biblical principles. To reach out...
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Click on link below for previous replies by Cecile:
1. Tough getting career going
2. Living together problematic
3. Abortion all option
Tough getting career taking off
A low-time pilot, desperate for a break, writes:
’Please pray for me for guidance, wisdom and knowledge on how to go about my aviation career. I have a Commercial Pilot's Licence and Multi-engine Instrument Rating with about 265 hours and can’t seem to find my way in job searching and do not have finances to do an Instructor’s Rating. I feel so discouraged and don’t know who or where to turn to’.
I am very empathetic to your plight and will indeed pray and intercede for you. Please do not despair, as the Lord must have a plan for your life in which perhaps you just cannot see the next step yet.
Not everyone is privileged enough to have the way paved towards an airline career. But, nothing is impossible to God according to Luke 1: 37.
You might already have, or in future need to support a family. Aviation has many ups and downs as a career, especially if not employed by an airline.
It could be the time to get practical:
If it is not possible to pay for an instructor’s rating now perhaps try getting another job in the meantime – even a low-paying one. No honest job, not even waiting tables, is beneath anyone. That way you would at least have some resources and a means of paying for your extra qualifications, though over a longer period…
I would encourage you to seriously consider getting a back-up career going.
I have also asked Johan to comment. He replied, ‘Many young pilots end up in such situations where funds run out before earnings start coming in. They would like a job to get experience, but the job requires experience – a Catch 22 situation. The idea of getting a secondary or supporting job is excellent. I would just encourage him to if possible stay within or close to the aviation industry. The young pilot should not despair, as many have been in his position and been successful in the long run. As you pointed out he should not lose sight that…
· ‘God rewards Faith.
· ‘He also develops character.
· ‘He gives strength to those waiting upon Him (Is. 40: 31)
‘Perhaps it is apt to remind ourselves neither patience nor perseverance is a Gift of the Spirit (I Cor. 12: 7 – 11). Developing such character traits may often be part of God’s overall plan for us and our lives; never forgetting that with extra skills we can one day bear more fruits’.
[PS You are welcome to send your CV. Should we learn about any vacancy we would gladly submit it on your behalf].
the 'Big Easy Way Out'
My boyfriend has landed a flying position abroad and asked me to join him, once he’s settled in. I haven’t seen much of the world and would love to go.
I have always been the one with the steady job, though I can’t say he’s ever been lazy. It’s just that jobs here have been scarce and temporary.
He always seems to be studying to improve his chances of a better job. This may be his big break, although we can’t be sure till he’s tried it.
On the one hand I’m excited for both of us. On the other I’m afraid of what might happen to me/us should things not work out? We have shared a townhouse the past few years, so I will have to downsize if I decide to stay.
He hasn’t asked me to marry him, although I’m not sure getting hitched will solve or accomplish anything for us.
I can’t make up my mind.
My reply is intended to guide and assist not only you, but others ironically 'stuck' in such situations and relationships. I suspect more people's lives have been ruined and hearts broken through shattered expectations of 'the big easy out', which I use to describe such arrangements, than most care to admit.
Ordinarily, we should be eager to investigate and try out new opportunities, provided we are in the Lord's will - which we find out by spending time in His Word and with His Holy Spirit. But, based on Biblical principles, we simply cannot take each other on ‘trial’ or for a ‘test drive’ in sexual relationships.
Many people living together seem to have problems because they are living together, yet it's not always obvious - least of all to them. They feel the blows, but don't seem to realize where they're coming from. Admittedly many married couples also have problems, but, there’s one essential difference...
The factors fueling your fear are firmly rooted both in the tentative and transient nature of your ‘ongoing’ or ‘prolonged’ relationship (note the contrast and irony), as well as the fact that you’re in rebellion against the principles in God’s Word.
The Lord only places His blessing on what He ordains - which doesn't close the door on real repentance (He will never reject those sincerely turning away from their errant ways and to Him). To help you better understand your situation and actually predicament, I respectfully draw your attention to 1 Timothy 4: 1 - 3: ‘But the Holy Spirit distinctly and expressly declares that in latter times some will turn away from the faith, giving attention to deluding and seducing spirits and doctrines that demons teach, through the hypocrisy and pretensions of liars whose consciences are seared (cauterized), who forbid people to marry...'
The fundamental failing is clearly that of being deluded; due to a lack of knowledge of the Word of God. Satan’s tactics through unGodly teachings are to steer us and keep us away from God and His Word.
The Deceiver's objectives are accomplished through lies, deception and misdirection. He wants us to be ‘open-minded’ and 'take it so easy' that our thoughts end up in ‘never-never land’. We become so entangled in our own reasoning that we neither know nor care what God wants. We hence simply ignore the real problem, which comes down to the consequences and fruits of disobedience.
Acting in the flesh requires neither commitment nor REAL sacrifice. We simply ask ourselves ‘how can it be wrong if it feels so right?’ Our views are enforced by the corporate delusion of society.
We tend to believe something must be right when ‘everybody seems to be doing it…’ especially with no obviously evident negative side-effects. Why must I seek a solution if there’s no problem?’ But, that’s more delusion! Society is burdened and actually riddled with problems stemming from a generation of fatherless children on account of rebellion in this regard; the parents having succumbed to misconception.
Satan capitalizes on people’s fears... of failure and of the future... and a repeat of the 'past'. How else? He is the 'great accuser'. He loves emphasizing the negative and reminding people of past failures. Many therefore end up challenging others and themselves to find ‘but one successful or happy marriage’. But, marriages in which God is not honored can never be the yardstick.
In the end, many end up following other people’s line of reasoning relinquishing their own sound mind and instincts and most importantly, God’s direction. The opinion of Him, Whom has made us, is made not to count. Should the Lord want you to be dominated by fear and uncertainty? Certainly not! The only thing we should actually fear is being outside His will.
In this case 'uncertainty' should be a warning sign, that you’re moving against His will. The opposite also holds true, as once you truly move within His will the world becomes your oyster. Yet, He has certain ordinances and provisions… for our benefit and protection and that of society, as well as our loved ones and offspring.
One particular ordinance is the sanctified institution of marriage. In the right relationship it does not bog you down. Rather, the right kind of marriage relationship should empower those bound and affected by it.
Hebrews 13: 3 states marriage should be ‘held in honor (esteemed, worthy, precious, of great price and especially dear…)’ In specific context, outside of marriage ‘God will judge and punish the unchaste (all guilty of sexual vice) and the adulterous’.
There are various myths and truths about living together. Many believe we can love one another just as much when living together. But, we should fully understand what love is. Love is initially based on emotion. But, these feelings change.
Research has shown more cheating by both partners and more domestic violence as well as a higher level of depression occurring among individuals merely living together, opposed to married couples – according to Noel Hornor in The Good News, Vol. 16 of December 2012; p. 8 (www.GNmagazine.org).
Love is based on a sacrificial relationship and commitment. Loving is an act of faith and is unconditional. Real love is essentially 'in spite of' imperfections and shortcomings in each other and not 'because of' the other partner's powers of physical attraction, uses and usefulness to you... as these are the attributes and elements which inevitably change and diminish over the years.
Lack of commitment and failure to formalize such unions and relationships – through the institution of marriage which God in His wisdom and love has provided to mankind – are the most inherent shortcomings in interpersonal relationships of a sexual nature outside of marriage.
Women tend to move in with a man with marriage on their minds, according to Horner. I somehow tend to agree with him. Many men tend to choose this option for the availability of easy sex. Figure it out...
- If commitment is a vital ingredient of real love why would you take a chance on someone not prepared to fully commit to taking a chance on you... without the option of turning back or pulling out?
- Why would you give your heart to someone who would not even have you have his name or wear his ring; or leave you as damaged goods to your next partner, in case things do not turn out to his liking?
- Why indeed would you take a chance on someone so superior in his own eyes he will not submit to God and His sanctified ordinances such as marriage?
- Will such a flimsy and make-shift life boat take you to your destiny?
- Won’t you be stranded if hardship or seduction (as better opportunities in terms of other and 'better' prospective partner/s) cause your boyfriend and his ‘feelings’ towards you to change?
In a nutshell, you can follow a husband to the ends of the earth, if he is a real God fearing man unafraid of hardships, challenges or commitment.
2. Abortion all option
At 37 I’m pregnant after a one-night-stand. I never planned it and because I don’t sleep around wasn’t on the pill. My husband, who is bound to find out won’t be impressed, to say the least... He used to get violent when we were just married, but that was ages ago. He is much older than me and has a medical condition causing him to have no or little interest in sex.
He was boarded about two years ago and sits around at home moping all day. His pension is scarcely enough to support us. I started flying again on contract as cabin attendant. You can put two and two together. My teenage daughters, with whom I fight a lot, especially the eldest one, will despise me!
I’ve confided in a friend who is suggesting an abortion. I can hardly bear the thought, but am seriously considering it as the only sensible option. How do I raise another child?
I am also scared witless of what my husband might do. I have thought of suicide, though I’m probably too much of a coward.
You would choose between taking one or two lives to escape the consequences of a foolish deed?
You need to understand that Satan is behind abortions and suicides. According to John 8: 44, he is a liar and murderer. John 10: 10 a. states he kills, steals and destroys. The Spirit of Suicide is in actual fact whispering into your unguarded soul. This demon is patiently waiting for the right moment, when you're at a 'high' just after you've been at your lowest to strike; then it would be quite easy, almost 'natural' according to those who have had failed attempts. Yet, he compels them to keep trying. You simply have to realize suicide and abortion have nothing to do with courage. Far from it! Proverbs 15: 25 warns there's a way that seems right to a person, but the end of that way is death. Also of note is that according to Proverbs 25: 28 somebody who has no rule over his or her spirit is like a city which is broken down and without walls to guard it.
If you keep fostering such thoughts, you will be feeding a lie from the pit of hell that you can in fact escape the consequences of your weaknesses and deeds by putting your own hand to your life. In a spiritual battle you need to ask Jesus to forgive and then cover you all the time. He can be relied on to give His forgiveness freely to whoever repents and asks Him (Colossians 3: 13).
Whatever sacrifice you think you might place on the altar to atone for a wrong deed, will never be enough. It is both arrogant and misguided, as well as a misinterpretation of God’s Grace and Forgiveness. Do not be deluded or deceived. Satan wants your life. He wants your unborn baby. Neither you, nor Satan nor anyone but God is entitled to give or take away a life.
Does God want your life? Yes! He Who has given it to you freely wants it back, in a different way. In the very same Scripture (John 10:10 b) we read He came ‘…so we (you, I and your unborn baby) can have life in abundance’.
To assert if abortion is evil or right, you need to understand who and what you and your unborn baby are, according to God’s Word… remembering He is not a man that He would lie (Numbers 23: 19). I Thessalonians 5:23 makes it clear each one of us is a spirit which comes from God. The spirit lives in a physical body and has a soul.
The soul can be likened to our combined subconscious and cognitive or ‘rational’ minds. The spirit cannot be touched or reached by God’s Spirit, unless we make a rational decision with our mind. The soul is in this sense the portal to the spirit. The spirit comes from God and returns to Him.
God has no desire to condemn us and has in fact paid a terrible price on the Cross so we can have redemption through a sincere decision of repentance of our sins and acceptance of His free Grace (in that order). By deciding one cannot be redeemed, one would be taking the place of God in the matter. By deciding to cut short one’s life or that of the 'fetus' or actually unborn baby, would be playing God – regardless of how the baby was conceived.
The Bible is full of teachings that all life comes from God. One particularly touching passage is Psalm 104: 24 – 30 stating He sends forth His Spirit and gives breath to ALL creatures. In Job 31: 18 we can read He weaves us in our mother’s womb. This is supported by Psalm 139: 13, very intimately stating He forms 'my' inward parts and knits 'me' together in 'my' mother's womb. In Ecclesiastes 8: 9 we read there is no man (person) who has (been given) the power over the spirit to retain the breath of life, neither has he power over the day of death...'
After David’s affair with Bathsheba he repented. But, it wasn’t a ‘cheap shot’. The whole discourse is in Psalm 51. David asks the Lord to create in him a clean heart and renew his spirit (Vs. 10 – 12).
There’s no telling what your husband might do or not do.
All we know is what’s written in Psalm 34. In verse 6 the ‘poor man’ (woman) cried out and the Lord saved him out of all his troubles. Yes, you have trouble. To you it might be the understatement of the year. But, please don’t make it worse by becoming so scared that you become stupid.
In verse 18 the point is made that the Lord is close to those who are humbly penitent. Get it? You cannot escape the consequences, but God can travel the road with you, if you ask Him.
Lastly, neither try to lie about your situation, nor try to conceal it. Do not play God. He sees what we do in darkness as in bright daylight anyway (Hebrews 4: 13; Psalm 139: 12).
The power of sin over us is in its secrecy. Break it. God will empower you on the road ahead. In time your situation can become a joy and a blessing (Psalm 51: 12).